as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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