Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
