how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
