the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
