i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
