I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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