dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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