she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
