I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
