My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
