is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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