Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
