It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
