names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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