do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
