U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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