Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
