is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Enjoy the penises
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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