They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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