we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize