then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
