she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
40s are totally the cure
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
