yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
