Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
