So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
