And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
