They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
