My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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