Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
