Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
