nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
