is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
