my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
