i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
