and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
