My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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