you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize