We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
