dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
