another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
