I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
