Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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