sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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