Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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