i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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