It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
