i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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