I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
