So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
