is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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