Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
worst night to have a conscience
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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