I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
