what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
