I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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