I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
