Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
