I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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