is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
