so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
