i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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