i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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