Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
