Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
