some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
