I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
