I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
