What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize