dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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