lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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