member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
