I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
