OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
