Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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