She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
