I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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