you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
