the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
