can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
