I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
