A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
