she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
