I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize