I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
