You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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